“Facebook English” Becomes Official Language

The UN officially declared today “Facebook English” as an internationally recognised language; it will be afforded all protection rights and legal benefits. Microsoft is already making plans to release future versions of Office with a “Facebook English” option. Facebook English means the following changes apply:

• “Your” and “you’re” have the same meaning
• “2” may be used to mean two, to and too
• Then and than may be used interchangeably
• Definitely and defiantly may be used interchangeably
• There, their and they’re all mean the same thing
• Apostrophe’s are optional
• As are commas, full stops. colons: and semi-colons;
• The official First Facebook Council is still thrashing out whether were and where could be used interchangeably
• In fiction writing, lol x should be used to indicate the end of a piece of dialogue
• In fiction writing, dialogue should always open with OMG
• Exclamation marks should come in sequences of two or more, preferably in sixes!!!!!!
• wud can mean either “wood” or “would”
• “You” and “are” have been eliminated and replaced with “U” and “R”. Use 4 instead of for, four and fore and “Before” is no longer a word – use b4
• “Know” is no longer a word, use “no”
• Use “of” for “of” and “off”. Who needs superfluous “f”s?
• C should be used for “see” and “sea”
• The language will have no words with three or more syllables
• The only exception is “literally” which should always appear before a verb. Official spelling has yet to be decided
• As a result, the word “syllables” is eliminated entirely
• “Should have (should’ve), would have (would’ve) and could have (could’ve) are to be replaced with “shud of, wud of, cud of”
• “Men” and “women” are now used as both singular and plural – “man” and “woman” have no place in the Facebook English lexicon

This list is not extensive. Official Facebook English spokesperson Paollo S. Friday has asked users to submit any further changes “wot they myt wnt 2 c”